My world completely collapsed. I could hardly imagine such an ugly creature existed in this world. I felt sick, nauseated, and filled with utter disgust toward this person living in their own fear.
I instinctively wanted to run.
Just as I stepped back, the old man standing on the bank grabbed my arm and dragged me back. I struggled, kicking and punching, but I couldn't break free from his grip.
The old man and the people on the bank cackled together, mocking me.
“That's your dad. Why don't you go acknowledge your father?”
Disgusting. Everyone's features spun around as the whole world twisted into black and white. So disgusting.
I broke free, ran home, and slumped over the stove retching until I brought up bitter bile.
The following year, I met my only friend. He could do everything and often got fun trinkets from the city. He looked so dashing, and I loved playing with him.
He took me tree-climbing to pick mulberries and river-diving to catch snails. His hair was cropped short, standing upright strand by strand when he ran, looking like young sprouts poking out from the field.
He was more energetic and optimistic than me. I liked him.
Later, he returned to the city. His parents came to pick him up. He stood by the car door waving to me while I stood under the locust tree, watching him be driven away.
Children forget easily. Over time, I gradually forgot him, and his face blurred into a hazy smear.
A friend I had really liked.
When I was sixteen, I heard my father had died, but I felt no sadness. There is only one kind of clean relationship in this world: mothers, daughters, and sisters. I crawled out of my mother's womb. My sisters, my mother, and I were all grown from the same vine; even in death, we would remain entwined.
When I grew up, I got a job. But one day, someone called out to me.
Seeing his face, I froze for a long time. The shadow of that boy was still hidden within the man's outline, but time had stretched and pulled it out of shape.
“I've been looking for you for a long time,” he said. “I asked the people in your village and only then found out you were working at the county hospital.”
He stepped closer, and the overwhelming sense of unfamiliarity made my stomach churn with acid.
He rattled on, talking about how he had joined the army, gotten discharged, and then worked in construction in the provincial capital, making some money.
His mouth opened and closed in rapid gulps like a fish out of water. As he spoke, he paused and took a deep breath, as if preparing to make a major decision.
“I like you.”
I stared at his lips. As those two lips parted and closed, revealing the ruddy tongue inside, stomach acid surged up—bitter and sour. I wanted to vomit.
What?
“...That's so sudden.”
I really wanted to throw up everything in my stomach right in front of his face and tell him just how much I loathed him.
Everything had changed. Not just his appearance, but his personality and soul had both turned into a pool of murky, filthy water.
“I don't like you,” I said. “Maybe we can just remain friends.”
“Come on, we haven't seen each other in so long. Give us a try! At your age, isn't your family pushing you to get married anyway?”
He made a joke. I didn't particularly like it.
He was like a cold, slippery snake wrapped in a snow-white shirt, flicking its tongue.
I suddenly felt deeply saddened. What was the point of all this? If only he had never appeared before me for the rest of his life. If only he had never grown up.
Perhaps then, there would still be a shred of memories worth holding onto in her mind.
I killed him.
I skillfully asked him out to the river and pushed him in. Whenever he tried to climb up, I struck him down with a stone. He couldn't swim—he didn't know how as a child, and he still didn't. Soon, all motion on the water's surface vanished.
I stood by the river for a long time. The sunset burned the western sky a breathtaking, scorching red. My heart felt as though it held a small stove, warm and soothing, heating my internal organs into pure comfort.
I felt so happy.
If only the creatures known as men never approached me in this world.
But... Mother adopted a child. Because of his disability, he had been abandoned on a rural lane. Mother asked around several households, but no one was willing to take him in.
My sisters and I didn't agree to her raising that boy. After all, she was getting old and had worked so hard to pull us through to adulthood. How could she take on another child...?
Mother was adamant. By the time that child turned fifteen, she fell ill, leaving him with no choice but to live among us sisters in rotation.
It was so pitiful. I liked him a lot.
But watching him grow up day by day filled me with panic. Why did he have to grow up? Growing up made someone unfamiliar, making her feel afraid and disgusted.
I had to endure it—endure until he went to stay with the other sisters, and then I could find another target.
I desperately needed to eliminate the unstable elements around me. There were far too many people nearby who made me feel terrified, and endless existences that filled me with disgust.
And watching life slip away by my hands brought a cozy sense of security to my heart. I needed that security to protect myself.
...I made my move anyway.
How could I do such a thing?
But I was so happy.
...
【Honestly, this murder motive could easily be listed among the most outrageous motives ever.】
【Mind-blowing motive: "Because my younger brother turned from a boy into a man, I can't forgive him!"】
Rate on N.U.
