The sky was completely dark by the time they returned to their quarters.
On the way back, Noelle had bid them goodnight and headed straight to her room, claiming that her brain was so fried that if she didn't sleep right away, she would drop dead in the hallway.
Though Esper failed to see how Noelle had overtaxed her brain this time, she hadn't had the energy to tease her about it.
Eladia had held her hand the entire way. From the moment they stepped out of the conference room, to the entrance of the Mage Tower, and all the way back to their quarters, she had never once let go.
She didn't speak, simply walking by her side and matching Esper's pace.
The sound of Esper pushing open the door echoed loudly in the empty hallway. She walked over to the bed and sat down, then fell backward, sinking into the mattress.
Eladia gently closed the door, walked over, and sat down on the edge of the bed as well, without lighting a lamp.
Under normal circumstances, the faint glow emanating from her body would trace a soft outline in the dark. But now, she had withdrawn her holy light, leaving only a quiet darkness.
To Esper, however, this darkness was nonexistent; she could clearly see Eladia's face in her eyes.
The silence stretched on for so long that Esper began to think she wouldn't speak at all.
“...Esper... Can you tell me... about your past...?”
Her voice was very soft, just like usual, but Esper could detect a slight tremble in it.
Earlier, when Eladia had squeezed her arm, she had felt her trembling then too.
That tremor was identical to the one now vibrating in her voice.
It was the trembling of someone watching a loved one suffer, yet not knowing how to make them feel better.
She wanted to understand her.
She wanted to understand the girl she had never met, the one named Lonia Catori.
She wanted to know what kind of tears she had shed, what kind of life she had lived, to still be able to clench her fists in front of the Demon King and sob out the agony buried deep in her heart.
“...”
Esper stared blankly into space for a long time.
It wasn't that she didn't want to speak; there was simply too much to say, so much that she didn't know where to begin.
Twelve years had passed since she was six. Those twelve years contained two distinct lives: Lonia's life, and Esper's life.
Separating them was a wound she had carved herself, and now she had to reopen it for someone else to see. For the person who mattered most to her.
Then, she felt Eladia's fingers gently brush against the back of her hand.
“Esper... I'm here... Your Eladia is right here...”
Suddenly, a wave of emotion hit her, and her nose prickled.
“...When I was six, I met her in Gloom Castle's old archives.”
That night, Esper spoke at length.
She spoke of how the black barrier of Abyss City blocked out the sun forever, and how Gloom Castle's hallways were so long and dark that she would constantly get lost in them as a child.
She spoke of the smell of oil lamps in the old archives, the dusty piles of books, and the girl huddled in the corner clutching a book—wearing a patched black dress, with two small horns as transparent as white crystal.
“When she looked up at me, she dropped her book in fright. Her eyes were so wide. She even forgot to pick it up.”
Esper's eyes crinkled slightly as she said this, as if even she didn't remember why she had noticed such a detail back then. Then, she turned her gaze to Eladia.
“Back then, she said she was sorry and begged me not to hit her. She thought I was there to beat her up. Because almost everyone who went there before did so just to bully her.”
She continued.
She spoke of how the chestnuts in Maple Town would cover the ground when they ripened, how sweet the fruit juice at the Drunken Moon Tavern was, and how the crooked tree at the town entrance still bore the height marks they had carved together.
She spoke of how, after Rafina was taken in as Gloom's student, she would push herself to the limit on the training grounds every single night until her body ached all over, only to return home and drink her sister's tea.
Her fingers curled against the blanket at the mention of Eliza.
“The tea was made of blood. It was delicious, and I had been drinking it since I was four.”
She spoke of the single-sided blood covenant. She told of how, every time she returned from Maple Town, her sister would be waiting for her at the door, asking how her day had been.
She had thought it was out of concern, but only later did she realize it was to verify. Every word she uttered outside, every expression she made, every time she walked shoulder-to-shoulder with Rafina on Maple Town's cobblestone streets—her sister knew about all of it.
She spoke of how Rafina had kept her braces, and how her dress had been kept by her too.
She spoke of the friction between her sister and Rafina, of the book she had written for Rafina, and of the things hidden beneath it.
And then, her sister found out.
Rafina was furious.
“I thought at the time that everything would be fine as long as I explained it to her. She wasn't that unreasonable; she was just too angry. If I could just go see her one more time and clear things up face-to-face, she would understand.”
As Esper spoke, her voice gradually grew calm, like the surface of a lake after a storm.
“But then, she tore our blood covenant apart. Even though it caused her soul to suffer a backlash, she forced herself to dissolve the contract anyway.
She could have just asked me to dissolve it. I was the master of the covenant. If I had been the one to release it, neither of us would have suffered such a severe backlash.”
Her voice began to choke up.
“But she didn't. Back then, she didn't want to say another word to me. Even if it meant enduring the agony of a soul backlash, she chose to sever the blood covenant.”
“Esper...”
“And then I left. I left my sister, and I left Fina.”
She spoke of how, after leaving the Demon Realm, she had drifted to Avalon and become an External Member adventurer.
“The treatment for External Member adventurers in Avalon is terrible. No medical checks, no insurance, no guaranteed pay. Just a registration badge borrowed from the front desk.
At the time, I thought I would just live like that forever. I wanted to forget that I was Lonia.”
She spoke of the battle with Zhong, of the cold dread that gripped her when Zhong stood before her, and of how she hadn't even had the strength to speak when Kaylar was taken away by the Pope.
“She wanted to smile at me, but before she could even manage it, she vanished.”
She spoke of the Eladia who had been corrupted by the Black Tide, of the identical Holy Sword, and of how she had told her that she would finally be free if she killed her.
As she said this, she turned her head to look at Eladia.
“At that time, I kept thinking... if only I had been a little more vigilant, if only I hadn't left you alone with Beatrice, would things have turned out differently?”
Eladia didn't answer. She only leaned forward slightly.
“It wasn't your fault... Esper... No one had any reason to stop Beatrice when she summoned the Saintess...”
“But I still should have done something for you.”
“...”
The two fell silent for a moment.
Esper took out the maple-leaf hairpin.
The hairpin in her memory projection had been thrown away, but the one in reality was still here.
Looking at the hairpin in her hand, she suddenly couldn't bring herself to throw it away like she had in the projection.
Instead, she began to talk about the hairpin, admitting that she had actually felt awful when she yanked it off and threw it in Rafina's face.
She said she had bought those hairpins when they were seven—one for Rafina, one for herself—so they would always recognize each other even if they got lost.
“She recognized me. But I didn't want to be recognized by her anymore.”
Esper slipped the hairpin back into her pocket.
“I know she didn't mean to. I know she was just terrified back then. She had been abandoned by everyone since she was a child, even her own parents. She finally found someone she could trust, and then she thought that person had betrayed her.
When she severed the blood covenant, she hurt more than I did. My pain was from the severed bond, but her pain was from believing that the only person she could trust was gone.”
Tears silently rolled down from the corners of her eyes.
She didn't even remember when she had started crying.
“I know all of this. I understand why she did it better than anyone. But I still hate her, because she didn't even say she was sorry.”
Eladia placed her hand on Esper's face, her palm cradling her soft cheek, and gently wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes with her fingers.
“She told me she missed me. She said she had been looking for me. She said she knew I hadn't betrayed her. While she was saying all that, I just stood there, waiting for her to say she was sorry. I kept waiting.
But she didn't. Not a single word from beginning to end. She said so much, but all I wanted was for her to say she was sorry. I just wanted an apology. Just that one phrase. And she couldn't even give me that.”
By now, her voice was trembling uncontrollably.
“That's why I got angry and said those things to her.”
She gently stroked Eladia's hair.
“...That is what happened in the past.”
“...Thank you... Esper...”
Eladia lay down gently beside her and pulled her into her arms.
“...There's nothing to thank me for.”
“Thank you... for letting me understand you better...”
“...It was just a bunch of complaining.”
“...It wasn't complaining... It was Esper's past... I told you... as long as it is about Esper... even the tiniest detail... I want to know...”
Eladia spoke softly.
“I... didn't know the Esper of the past... nor did I know the Rafina of that time... I only know the Esper of now... the Esper who holds my hand... who feels sad for me... who pulled me out of that very, very dark room...”
She gently ran her fingers through Esper's hair, weaving through the tangled black strands.
“The Esper of the past... had her most important person... but the Esper of now... also has people who are very important to her...
Mr. Renn... Kaylar... Miss Noelle... and...”
Her voice paused for a moment.
“...and... me... right...?”
Esper closed her eyes and buried herself in Eladia's embrace. The gesture was gentle, yet it nearly brought tears to Eladia's eyes.
“Aren't you a dummy?”
“...Yes... I'm very dumb...”
“Indeed. A dumb, silly Saintess who doesn't even care about herself.”
“But... from now on... I will start caring about myself... because Esper cares... so... I will care too...”
Esper said nothing more.
At some point, the moonlight from outside the window had spilled over the embracing pair, draping them in a thin, silvery blanket.
Eladia softly called her name.
“Esper...”
“...Mm.”
“I... won't ever leave you alone...”
“...Mm.”
“Never... ever...”
“...I know.”
“...Mm.”
She held her just like that, until the heartbeat beside her finally grew steady and calm.
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