The moment Wen Li and Gu Linshu stepped out of the ancestral temple, they swiftly took to their flying swords and sped away, terrified of being pursued.
“Master, that Makabaka Zongzheng Yingchu mentioned is you,” Gu Linshu said with absolute certainty.
She had been fine until he brought it up, but now Wen Li began cursing furiously. “It’s me! That dog bastard actually went around telling everyone I died! Utterly malicious! Even though it’s a fake name, wouldn't it be an enormous hassle if I ever want to use it again?”
Zongzheng Yingchu had considered that she might be a relative of Makabaka's, never imagining that the reason she resembled an old acquaintance... was because the old acquaintance wasn't dead at all!
Gu Linshu was intrigued. “Master, what on earth did you do to make him hold a grudge against you even after you supposedly died?”
Wen Li scoffed. “Back then, that kid was the team leader for the Eastern Province's Qingyun Gathering, heading to the Central Province to take part in the Aptitude Battle. One of the match sites happened to be right near my cave abode. As payback for disturbing my peace, I crept in at night, stole every last one of their storage bags, and drew turtles on their faces with spirit herb ink that wouldn't wash off. Then I shoved all their tokens under the ass of a Late-Stage Nascent Soul great demon. Without their tokens, they’d be eliminated.”
“They had no choice but to take on the great demon. And just after the demon beat them half to death and both sides were battered and bruised, I made my entrance.”
Gu Linshu looked at her with a bizarre expression. Knowing how devious and underhanded his master could be, he immediately imagined the scenario in his mind. Sure enough, Wen Li continued:
“I killed the great demon and snatched its demon core. When they started cursing and attacked me, I beat them all black and blue. Zongzheng Yingchu was the strongest of the bunch, so he managed to last a few rounds with me before taking a beating. I was originally going to let it go—I’ve always been generous and forgiving, after all—but Zongzheng Yingchu just had to make threats, swearing that one day he’d make me kneel before him and beg for mercy.”
Wen Li sneered. “Could I tolerate that? Knowing what demon beasts they were supposed to hunt for the competition, I tossed all their tokens straight into the dung piles of a nearby demon beast colony, so they couldn't find them—and even if they did, they'd be thoroughly disgusted. Then, I flew up into the sky, circled their position, and dumped ten whole bottles of Beast-Attracting Powder and Berserk Powder over them.”
“Oh, and twenty bottles of Aphrodisiac Powder,” Wen Li added nonchalantly after a moment’s thought.
“...” Twenty bottles!
Usually, a fingernail's worth was enough to drive ten demon beasts wild, yet she had used twenty bottles! Not only Berserk Powder to send them into a frenzy, but Aphrodisiac Powder on top of that! Wouldn't that mean...
Gu Linshu's eyes widened. Those pampered darlings of heaven, already drained of spiritual energy by the great demon and beaten by Wen Li, had been pursued by a raging horde of demon beasts, and might have even... One could only imagine how horrific that scene must have been.
Gu Linshu gave a dry cough, feeling an inexplicable pang of phantom pain in his backside. No wonder... No wonder Master was so intensely hated by Zongzheng Yingchu!
“Later, I ran into him again at an auction in the Central Province. The moment he saw me, he whipped out his magical artifact to attack. So I lured him over to a Nascent Soul old monster I had previously offended, intentionally splashed a bit of immortal herb juice I’d stolen from the old monster onto him, blew up the old monster's cave abode, and bolted.”
And yet, that wasn't the end of it. Wen Li continued:
“I don't know what happened afterward, but at least he bore the brunt of that old monster's fury in my place.” As for his grudge against her—there were countless people who hated her. They could form a line stretching counterclockwise from the Western Province all the way around to the Southern Province. Who did he think he was?
Gu Linshu couldn't help applauding. “Master, I'd rather offend a Nascent Soul old monster than offend you.”
Offending an old monster was a matter of life or death; offending Wen Li was a tormenting, infuriating nightmare of misery before death.
Wen Li patted his shoulder, thoroughly enjoying the praise. “Thank you for the compliment.”
While talking, the two had caught up with Zongzheng Huangyue's procession returning to the palace. Taking a detour, they landed ahead of the procession in an alley along its unavoidable path.
“All right, lie down.”
Wen Li yanked off a cloth, revealing a coffin painted with little flowers. It was clear she had put some effort into it.
“I—I—me?!”
Gu Linshu's eyes went wide. He stammered for a good while, but seeing no sign that Wen Li would relent, he sighed and dutifully stepped forward. Stroking the rock-hard coffin, he couldn't resist putting up one last bit of resistance:
“M-Master, isn't this... a bit inauspicious?”
Wen Li adopted an earnest, solemn expression.
“Good disciple, everyone dies eventually; no one dies twice. By faking your death this time, you won't ever have to die again in the future. This isn't inauspicious at all—it's actually the height of good fortune!”
Gu Linshu: “...” Then why don't you lie in it?
Reading the thought in his eyes, Wen Li flashed a bright smile.
“Are you getting in, or not?”
Yielding to the authority of her raised fist, Gu Linshu resigned himself to his fate, stepped into the coffin, and lay down. It truly was a deluxe single suite—just enough room for one person. As Wen Li slid the lid shut, he looked up and caught sight of several lines of text carved near the top of the coffin:
“Clearance Item. All sales final, no returns or exchanges.”
“Price: One low-grade spirit stone.”
“...”
Her so-called “careful preparation” was just being too stingy to spend money, so she bought a clearance coffin!
Silent tears streamed down Gu Linshu's heart. Father, Mother, I miss you... I want to go home.
Wen Li dragged the coffin out onto the main street. Seeing the ceremonial procession turning the corner at the end of the block, she hastily hauled the coffin over and waved her arms to shoo away the onlookers lining the curbs.
“Come on, make way, make way, everyone! I'm selling myself to bury my disciple!”
“Wait, selling yourself to bury what?”
“Bury my disciple!”
At those words, the crowd—who had originally gathered to catch a glimpse of Her Highness Huangyue—were instantly hooked. They actually parted to make room for her, moving aside to watch the drama unfold.
Clang!
With a dashing heave, Wen Li swung the coffin sideways onto the street. A loud thud from inside startled her. Oops, forgot someone was in there. Don't blame me, disciple, don't blame me!
Utterly drained of the will to live, Gu Linshu covered his head with both hands and curled into a ball, terrified that he would literally be knocked unconscious inside the coffin.
Wen Li had no time to worry about Gu Linshu. Seeing the procession drawing near from the end of the street, she slid smoothly to the ground, slapping the coffin with one hand while whipping out a handkerchief to wail and sob dramatically.
Thump, thump, thump!
“Ahhh, my poor, pitiful disciple! Why did you have to die so young?! Ahhh, your fate is too cruel!”
Her shrieks turned countless heads. People were initially worried this spectacle might disturb Her Highness Huangyue, but Wen Li's next wailing lines made them prick up their ears, casting all other thoughts aside.
Straining her voice, Wen Li shrieked in grief, “It’s all because of your heartless fiancée! Seeing that your family fell into ruin and you had no one to rely on, while she was the precious young mistress of the wealthiest master in the city, she wanted to break off the engagement! But she was terrified of being condemned for spurning the poor and flattering the rich, so—so she—!”
So she did what?! Spit it out!
The onlookers stared wide-eyed as Her Highness Huangyue's procession slowly approached, yet their ears practically leaned toward Wen Li’s mouth, dying to know what happened next.
“To break off the engagement with a poor boy like you, that rich young mistress actually sent people to secretly murder you!”
Noticing Zongzheng Huangyue's palanquin drawing close, Wen Li snapped her handkerchief, banged on the coffin, and wailed even louder in grief-stricken agony.
The revelation made everyone's eyes go wide. Such scandalous drama! Such cruelty!
“Ahhh, my poor disciple, what did you ever do wrong?! So what if you were poor? So what if even the hen laying eggs in your house was borrowed? So what if your roof leaked and your privy was crawling with maggots?! How could that rich young mistress be so vicious?! Just so she wouldn't be accused of despising the poor and currying favor with the wealthy, she had you secretly murdered! You were only in your teens! Oh, my poor disciple!” Wen Li shouted with utter conviction.
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