“Jiang Ci... What—what are you do—”
Lu Yan froze on the spot. Jiang Ci's warm body pressed against his with no gap between them, her soft warmth radiating directly through her thin inner robe and onto him, causing his entire body to tense up.
Although it wasn't as if they had never had physical contact before—whether it was applying medicine to treat wounds, cuddling while drunk, or ending up sleeping in the same bed by a twist of fate.
But every previous time had been due to external circumstances. With the rushed and accidental nature of those moments, he could always brush it off afterward and convince himself his conscience was clear.
Today, however, was completely different.
At this moment, the surroundings were ridiculously quiet. The candlelight flickered slowly, leaving only the sound of their breathing in the room.
Both of them were perfectly sober. There was no drunkenness, no unconsciousness. Every action was a conscious choice—candid, direct, leaving absolutely no room for fluke or excuses.
A sudden wave of intense panic surged in Lu Yan's heart, a chaotic mess of emotions clogging his chest and making it hard to breathe.
Something was wrong with her.
Something was terribly wrong with her.
From beginning to end, she had never understood him. She didn't understand what he was after by being so persistent for so long, nor did she understand his feelings in giving his all and running around just to keep her alive.
She always stubbornly clung to her own set of principles: if you treated her well by even a fraction, she had to pay you back clearly and draw a sharp line between you.
His cautious, careful love had never been seen as affection in Jiang Ci's eyes; instead, it was a debt that suffocated her.
Lu Yan instinctively raised his hands to press against her slender shoulders. His fingertips were stiff as he tried to push her away.
He couldn't accept this kind of intimacy. Absolutely not.
What he wanted was never an approach born of debt or transaction, nor was it a tenderness born of her swallowing her own grievances and forcing herself to make a sacrifice.
But before he could even finish a single word of protest, all sound was abruptly cut off.
By her lips.
The sudden contact was warm and soft. This was their first kiss in the truest sense—pure, without a hint of falsehood, clumsy yet sincere.
Jiang Ci had no kissing skills; in fact, she had no technique at all. She knew nothing of lingering touches or testing the waters. She simply relied on a surge of reckless courage to quietly press her lips against his, gently blocking the refusal that Lu Yan was about to voice.
...
In an instant, Lu Yan's mind went completely blank.
Colorful fragments of light exploded and faded in his mind. The entire world suddenly contracted and expanded again; the colors in his vision turned to black and white, then filled with color once more, repeating in a cycle. All noise and distracting thoughts faded away.
Past memories, worries, and anxieties were all forgotten. In the face of this kiss, all of those things became utterly insignificant. Only the warm sensation on his lips remained, along with the clean, sweet fragrance unique to her.
The scent was gentle yet fatal, like a cup of sugar-coated poison. Even though he knew it was wrong to indulge, he couldn't bear to pull away in the slightest.
The kiss was slow and long, breathtakingly quiet.
There was no sticky entanglement, no unnecessary testing. It was just their lips resting quietly against each other, fitting together securely.
Jiang Ci's slender arms slowly wrapped around his neck, sliding down to firmly clasp his waist. Her fingertips tightened slightly, pulling him into her embrace bit by bit. She held him tightly, with an almost humble reliance, as if terrified he would pull away in the next second.
Their chests pressed tightly together, their heartbeats resonating violently and crashing into one another in a chaotic rhythm. Their scorching breaths intertwined, and the warm air currents, wrapped in an ambiguous heat, piled up layer by layer in the cramped space, making their cheeks flush and their bodies burn with heat.
Lu Yan completely lost all composure.
He forgot right and wrong, forgot boundaries, and forgot all his worries. Only his most primal heartbeat and response remained.
The hands that had been resting on her shoulders, ready to push her away, slowly rose to gently cradle the back of her head. His fingertips brushed through her soft hair as he instinctively leaned in, deepening and further deepening this rare kiss.
The affection he had suppressed for countless days and nights, the stifled heartbeat, and his cautious favoritism all quietly leaked out at this moment.
Yet, just as he was completely drowned in her tenderness, a trace of faint saltiness quietly spread across his lips.
The taste was extremely faint, but it was like a bucket of bone-chilling water, instantly cooling his overheated desires and dragging him ruthlessly out of his indulgence.
She was crying. She was fucking crying.
What was he doing? What had he come here for?
Lu Yan's heart clenched violently. He suddenly let go, using the last shred of his returning rationality to gently push her away.
He stumbled back two steps until his spine hit the edge of the table. His chest heaved violently as he gasped for air. The heat on his face hadn't faded, but his heart had completely cooled.
The soft, broken words that had been drowned out by the heated atmosphere earlier now rang clearly in his ears—
“I'll never be able to pay it back...”
Who wanted her to pay him back? He didn't want her to pay him back! He had never once harbored any thought of wanting a return from her! Everything he had done, from start to finish, was simply to let her live well, to be a little lighter, a little happier, without having to live in debt and torment all day long.
But no matter what he did, he couldn't break into her way of thinking. In Jiang Ci's eyes, it would always be nothing more than a series of personal debts that needed to be repaid.
Why? Why did she have to be so stubborn and twisted?
The candlelight flickered gently, the warm glow falling on Jiang Ci's face. It accentuated her wet eyes and the redness at the corners of them. Her long eyelashes held tiny droplets of water, and her gaze was blank and aggrieved.
She just looked up at him quietly like that, the pure confusion in her eyes straightforward and piercing.
He understood. The meaning of that look was: Don't you like me? Why did you push me away? Did I do something wrong, or do you just not want me?
He didn't want it! He didn't want it like this!
Lu Yan felt a surge of anger. How was he supposed to respond, how was he to express it? How could he explain all of this? This was a mistake, an absurdity, a... a...
He exhaled sharply to release the breath trapped in his chest, calming his nearly chaotic state of mind and steadying his erratic breathing. Only then did he lift his head again.
He stood up, picked up her outer robe that had slipped off earlier, and draped it back over her slender shoulders.
He still didn't know how to fasten the complicated frog closures. He fumbled clumsily with them for a long time without making them look neat, so he could only wrap the fabric tightly around her, completely covering her exposed skin.
Once he was done, he lowered his head slightly and gently pressed a clean, pure, passionless kiss onto her smooth forehead.
Jiang Ci froze on the spot. She tilted her head up slightly, her misty-gray pupils clearly reflecting his figure, her gaze innocent and dazed.
She couldn't understand his sudden distance, his hot-and-cold restraint, and much less the complex, churning emotions hidden deep within his eyes.
In the next instant, he raised his hand. His touch was extremely light as he slowly smoothed her messy hair, stroke by stroke.
Lu Yan lowered his voice, doing his absolute best to make his tone light and gentle.
“No matter what I say, you probably won't be able to understand it right now.”
“It's fine. Take your time to listen, and I'll explain it to you slowly, okay?”
Jiang Ci stared blankly at his gentle, calm face. Her eyelashes fluttered slightly, and she gave a soft nod.
Rate on N.U.
